i'm not sure im ready to talk about what happened to me just yet.. not the whole thing..

i have had to talk about it and recount my story countless times to many different people. it seems as if i have become immune to the story. i no longer cry when i give the details. yes, i get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and feel a bit queezy, but i don't cry.

my tears have become bitter whereas they used to be little drops of liquid fright. you see, a lot of thing happened after i was raped.

one

after another

after another

after countless painful other

at first these events made me feel like i was being punished, or that i was destined for a life of suffering.. now, i am still sad, but i know that although these events are painful and seem to rip at my heartstrings, they were not 'created' to target me..

im not sure if i believe everything happens for a reason; although i do think that you learn from your trials & tribulations. i often lie awake at night and wonder what i am suppose to learn.. it has been two and a half years since i was raped & sometimes i feel just as helpless as the days after it happened.